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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Doormats are a gateway rug.