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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.