Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.