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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"