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We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.