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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...