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If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.