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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."