Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".