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?-- that guy is cute ?
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.