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They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Chip clips are for quitters.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"