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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.