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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.