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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.