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Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
bras are booby-traps
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.