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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Save water- shower with me!
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.