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Will be drunk until further notice.
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.