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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.