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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
I have a black belt in leather
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.