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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.