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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.