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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and thatโ€™s how science works.
I think my girlfriendโ€™s hallucinating. She keeps telling me sheโ€™s seeing other people.
Sorry I wasnโ€™t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says โ€œtrust me, you donโ€™t want to know.โ€
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Iโ€™ve found that the things Iโ€™m most interested in arenโ€™t really in my best interest.
A womanโ€™s anger is like a check engine light; thereโ€™s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?