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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?