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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.