Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.