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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.