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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.