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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.