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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.