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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Attention fuels immaturity
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.