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Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.