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I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.