Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.