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feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.