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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!