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You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
Find someone you`re good at.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what Iām talking about.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.