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I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie