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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"