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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.