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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.