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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.