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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....