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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.