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I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.