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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
I give myself the best presents.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.