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The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.