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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…