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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.