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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?