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Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.