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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired