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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.