Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.