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Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?