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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
I like it like that
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.