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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.