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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.