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Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.