Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.