Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I drink to make other people interesting
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.