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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.