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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you