Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.