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Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.