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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.