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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.