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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.