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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject