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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
A wise man, will often say nothing
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now