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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
I just made you think of an elephant
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I always advise people never to give advice.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I`ve given up on giving up.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.