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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!