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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
is "insert clever remark here."
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.