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My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!