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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.