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Married sext: Iām not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?Āæ
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`