Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.