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I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
This recliner and I go way back.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.