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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk