Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.