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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.