Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Does this floor Iām laying on make me look unmotivated?