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*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.