Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.