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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
The problem with diets is pizza.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.