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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
No pants are the best pants.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I think I may be getting harder to love.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?