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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.