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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.