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I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?