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If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject