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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative