Daily Silly Status

When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.

Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away

can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.

so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.

If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.

The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.

I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.

“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.

Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.

At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.

I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.

I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...

There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.

I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.